Beginnings

The kids and Molly all ran ahead of me to the bus stop this morning. I watched their backpacks bounce away down the road and heard them laughing and the dog bark. It was a bittersweet moment and I wished I had a camera to capture it.This is an interesting time for me, full of opposing emotions. No one looked back over their shoulder to me, just charged on ahead with their lives, excited and happy. I slowly walked behind.
I am so grateful my kids are all enjoying school, especially Luke and Noah. Of course I want my children to be happy and successful. It's just that this is the beginning of a whole new season of life for me also and I am not exactly sure how I feel about that. I have to admit, mostly I am excited and happy. But I also know I have left behind afternoon naps snuggled next to one of my soft, chubby babies, singing giggly nursery rhyme games in the car on the way to preschool, slobbery baby kisses and the pure joy of babies laughing.
Having my kids so close together intensifies our lives in many ways. Crazy, loud summer days have now been replaced with a silent house for the first time. It is good. I can hear when I listen to an audiobook as I do laundry, I did errands yesterday in record time. It is hard. I have had little ones to love and look after for years, that has been my life. Now our lives are changing and I am not sure how this is all going to go.
This is a time of faith for me. Stepping into the dark...with faith.